Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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