So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
