Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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