I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
