So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Soap is not a condiment
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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