The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
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