I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
