She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
