Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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