dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
