Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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