I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Let's paint friendship bongs
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
We left the knife in your bed.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
