Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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