I cut my penus on the lid.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
