The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
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we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
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The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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