You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
