So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
my poor anus
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
