god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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