I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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