Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Randomize
