I'm pants shitting drunk right now
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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