Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Randomize
