New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
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