so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
