He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I touched a dick in church today
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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