Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
