Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
Randomize
