So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
