He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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