Barsexuality is the new black.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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