Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize