She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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