So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I am spending my child support on dildos
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
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