Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
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