you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
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