He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
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