I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
