Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
