So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
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I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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