we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
