I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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