Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
