Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Randomize
