I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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