Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize