So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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