Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
