Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
