just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
