hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
