Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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