we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
