Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
literally had 100 drinks last night.
You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
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