Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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