we made out on top of his cat.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
