Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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