stop calling my apartment porn island.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
