It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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