I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
this beer tastes like vomit already
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
