im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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