when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
it's great music for shaving your balls
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My bed smells like the plague
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
