As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
