I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Pooping to opera.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
